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Efter en månad

Publicerat 2009-05-03 00:35:08 i Everyday life
Det har nu gått drygt en månad, och jag har svårt att sätta ord på hur jag känner. Det var inte en lätt händelse att leva igenom, och jag vet inte om jag tagit mig igenom hela processen ännu. Men jag har många vänner som har erfarenheter kring jobbiga föredettingar, varpå jag försökt att lämna dig i fred så mycket som möjligt. (Varpå bloggen istället fyllts med lite känsloyttringar ibland).

Själv har jag klarat mig undan, med bra, snälla och trevliga föredettingar, detta beroende på att jag givetvis är en sådan bra människokännare och enbart omger mig med snälla människor. Detta vill jag tro är sant, och ingenting blir bättre av att gå runt och tänka att det vore på ett annorlunda sätt. Jag tror gott om alla människor tills dess att motsatsen är bevisad.

Men om jag nu ska hålla mig till ämnet, gnälla lite, öppna mig lite och låta orden komma ut. (Jag är medveten om att det kanske är fel av mig att tömma ut mig här, men det hjälper mig, och det är som sagt frivilligt av alla att läsa här. ) Jag tror på ödet, och är säker på att ödet förde oss samman av någon speciell orsak, jag lärde mig äta gröt, det kanske var det?

Men ibland är jag inte säker på att ödet är färdiga med dig och mig, men det är sånt som framtiden för utvisa. Om vi har några fler syften att fylla för varandra, så ser framtiden till att det händer. Magkänslan säger en sak och min logik säger en annan. Jag mår inte bra av att gå och älta. Om jag nu har rätt så blir det bara fel när man går runt och ältar, när man går runt och tänker. Det blir dumt när man tänker för mycket. Då vrider man och vänder, och det leder till missförstånd och fel, vilket leder till osämja och felaktiga känslor. Det är bättre att lämna bakom sig och gå vidare.

Min enda svårighet är att låta bli att tänka. Många dagar går bra, och jag är sådär flummigt filosofisk och tänker och tror i dessa banor. Men vissa dagar är det värre, jag tänker då inte i fel banor, och jag tänker inte så att det leder till missförstånd, det leder inte till felaktiga känslor. Men jag tänker på dig för mycket för att kunna gå vidare helt. Dock är jag medveten i mina tankar, då jag vet att jag inte borde.

En yttre orsak till att det är svårt att inte tänka, är att jag står och stampar i nuläget. Jag har en kurs kvar på min utbildning, (5 veckor), och sedan är tanken att jag ska slänga mig ut till nästa steg i livet. Det är ett stort steg, och det är osäkert var man hamnar. Det är mycket ansvar som ligger på ens axlar, det är söka jobb, det är söka boende, det är att våga, och att tro på sig själv. Det handlar om att bygga upp nästa trappsteg i sin framtid och det känns inte lätt.

Allt var mycket lättare när vi "put everyting on hold" några månader i vintras-våras. Det är nu, i sånna här lägen man behöver extra stöd, och en famn att krypa in i. Det är inte lätt att alltid vara positiv, och att alltid tro att man är oövervinnerlig.

När jag träffade dig vet jag att jag tänkte, Varför nu? Varför inte om 1-2 år? Men det var ödet. Jag lämnar min framtid i ödets händer.
Direktlänk, 3 Kommentarer



Kommentarer
Mikaela

jag tror också på ödet, och när det gäller kärlek så tror jag att det bästa är att ibland bara låta saker ske och sedan inte tänka så mkt på det. jag vet att det är jätte svårt men ibland är det det bästa..



du har också en fin blogg :) det är skönt att kunna ha ngt sida som man kan skriva av sig på och sedan få tips och råd av vänner/bekanta men också helt okända människor. jag hoppas att allt annat med dig är bra och att allting flyter på i skolan :)



kram Mikaela

2009-05-03 @ 01:44:23
URL: http://mikelina.blogg.se/
Erik

Jag tycker att din blogg är jättebra! Det är inte alltid lätt i livet, men tycker att du har vettiga tankar att leva efter. Jag tror också på att ödet styr hur det blir. Är det meningen att du och den där killen skall tillbaka till varandra, så kommer ni säkert att hamna tillbaka till varandra i framtiden.



Kram!

Erik

2009-05-03 @ 18:01:39
Lina van der Putten

SV: Ja jag tycker också de är jättekul =) Testa gärna sökfunktionen från google på min blogg och säg till om den fungerar som den ska =)

2009-05-03 @ 21:26:26
URL: http://lvdp.blogg.se/


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