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Mariell goes why

Publicerat 2009-11-30 20:29:36 i Everyday life
Jag hörde när jag berättade för folk att jag skulle åka hit, hit, bort till andra sidan jorden på obestämd tid att det kommer bli tunga perioder. Det kommer komma tider då du gråter, gråter och då det känns så enormt tungt. Det kommer komma dagar då du undrar vad gör jag här?, varför åkte jag? jag vill hem.

Jag var/är helt införstådd på detta fortfarande, att de här tiderna kommer komma. Jag ser bara inte när eller hur, eller varför?. Så jag tror inte att de tunga perioderna kommer komma till mig.

Jag vet mycket mycket väl varför jag är här. Jag har hela livet velat det här, jag har hela livet undermedvetet förberett mig själv för ett äventyr av den här kalibern. Så länge jag minns så har jag tyckt om att möta människor från andra kulturer, så länge jag minns har jag tänkt att jag vill bo och jobba utomlands. Jag har sett mångfalden i att resa, mer än sola, äta, jäsa och bada. Jag har fascinerats av naturen, (havet har varit mitt kall sedan jag kunde stå på benen. Jag är säker på att det är en speciell connection mellan mig och vågorna. Havet pratar med mig här.), har fascinerats när jag blev äldre även av kulturen. Jag har inspirerats för tacksamheten jag känner för mitt liv, för allt jag har hos mig. Jämfört mig med människor i andra länder, i andra kulturer och sett mig själv ganska lycklig ändå. Jag har velat se världen, jag har velat förstå livet på ett djupare plan.

Jag ville bli reseledare, jag ville bli entertainer. Jag ville ut i världen. Jag ville hitta mitt Sverige på världskartan, jag ville förstå hur livet kan vara så olika. Hur naturen kan vara så olika. Jag har hela livet förberett mig, och väntat på något sånt här.

Timingen kunde inte vara mer perfekt än vad den var nu. Finnanskrisen, brist på jobb hemma, precis färdigutbildad, ingen lägenhet eller bil, fortfarnde ung, singel, vacker och lycklig. Det kunde inte bli bättre än nu, nu när jag och mitt undermedvetna, nu när jag och mitt mentala plan har funnit den där vackra balansen. Den här chansen kom till mig, jag tog den och jag är så sjukt lycklig. Jag kan helt enkelt inte se varför det skulle komma tunga perioder. Varför skulle jag ångra något som är så rätt, så bra, och så givande. Varför skulle jag vilja åka hem. Det är så rätt, så perfekt och så underbart att jag får gåshud bara av tanken.

Som jag skrivit tidigare, visst saknar jag, visst älskar jag alla er därhemma. Men det är så bra, så rätt. Det är mitt äventyr och det är underbart. Mitt vackra ögongodis satte huvudet på spiken härom dagen och talade om för mig att Du är en underbar människa, man ser på ditt kroppsspråk och på din utstrålning att du är lycklig. Du är tacksam för luften du andas, och du klagar aldrig över något. Du är tacksam när du får kritik för då har du en chans att förbättras. Du är f-ing amazing. 

Jag ler åt de orden, jag rodnar och de träffar rakt in, och det känns så rätt. Jag är tacksam för att jag har luft att andas. Jag kräver ingenting, och jag gör det bästa av var situation. Jag är inte negativ, för negativa människor dör i förtid. Jag är inte negativ för inget som är bra kommer någonsin från negativitet. Jag är aldrig orolig och nervös för saker i förtid. Den dagen katastrofen händer tar jag hand om den.

Tills dess njuter jag av tacksamheten. Tills dess lägger jag världen under mina fötter. Tills dess dansar jag med vågorna och älskar i solnedgången.
Direktlänk, 5 Kommentarer



Kommentarer
KSena

"Du är f-ing amazing."



Damn right. :-) Kunde inte hålla med mer där, faktiskt. krama om

2009-11-30 @ 22:31:40
URL: http://kseenaa.livejournal.com/
Bjorne

Helt rätt tänkt,kan ju inte va en nyhet att man inte träffar sin familj varje dag när man är så långt bort men en dag har du fått så mycket erfarenhet och rutin så du kan välja själv helt och hållet var du vill jobba och när du vill det, då finns tid att omge sig med nära och kära,jag tror säkert du saknar många och dom saknar dig men du är väl värd denna chans som kanske lägger grunden till resten av livet och det tycker nog både familj och vänner här hemma så trivs med gott samvete,kram.

2009-12-01 @ 19:52:52
URL: http://bjornesmagazin.blogg.se/
D.Dede

Thaank you gumz! =D

Yee de får du göra! a special massage!

2009-12-06 @ 17:46:50
URL: http://dedeprivat.blogg.se/
Anonym

Nej, asta är en svart liten kissemiss... =)

Vovve är lite komplicerat när vi jobbar som vi gör. Får bli när vi har mer tid.. Men en vovvebebis kommer det bli.. NÅN dag.. Men börjar i liten skala.

2009-12-09 @ 12:33:52
URL: http://astafia.blogg.se/
Frida

Jag tror inte det är ödet eller någon balansgrej. Jag tror helt å fullt på att det är hur du ser världen och din positiva inställning som gör det! :) Han har rätt du är fantastiskt!

2009-12-17 @ 08:12:53


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