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borta bra men hemma bäst.

Publicerat 2010-10-19 08:14:59 i Everyday life
Jag sa ju att jag skulle dra igång bloggen igen, hur blev det nu med det? Icke sa nicke ungefär. Jag stötte på lite vägbuler när jag kom hit. Min dator fick sig en liten chock av den långa resan och vägrade att starta när jag kom ner. Jag slängdes in i jobbet igen med fart och fläng. Här var det ingen tid för vila. Dagarna innan hade en tjej åkt hem, och en vecka senare var det dags för en ny tjej att åka hem. Däremellan flyttade även en ny spa tjej in hos oss. Så det gick i ett kan man säga. Jag blev lite ansvarig för spa-t helt plötsligt.

Vår chef drog på semester 5 dagar efter att jag varit tillbaka och helt plötsligt var det jag som styrde det mesta. Plus att jag var ansvarig för att få den nya tjejen kom iordning och att jag skulle arrangera en avskedfest för den förra tjejen som flyttade. Pang bom sa det, och när jag pratade med Chantel så sa hon det att du kommer längta hem nu när du precis har kommit ner. Längta hem tänkte jag? när ska jag hinna det?

Men där förra veckan när jag var ledig, och när jag för första gången sedan jag kom tillbaka han andas och tänka lite så kom det. Jag längtade hem, jag längtade efter mitt liv hemma. Att ha det där odefinerbara som kan kallas fritid och umgängseskretsar som inte är det samma som dina arbetskamrater. Att umgås med kärleksfull familj,(som jag råkat glömma bort att ringa till, suck). Att vara ledig två dagar i veckan, att kunna gå och simma, åka och handla, laga mat, gå på bio, köra bil och allt det där andra som hemma tas för givet. Jag tänkte tanken som jag aldrig trott om mig själv att jag skulle tänka, "vad gör jag här, kommer mitt liv hemma och mina möjligheter hemma springa ifrån mig".

Så dagen därpå när jag gick till jobbet var jag lite smådeprimerad kanske. Jag gick runt och tänkte att jag måste göra något jag blir stolt över, något som gör att jag kan tänka mig lycklig igen. Men istället kom jag på mig själv om att dagdrömma (?). Jag har inte dagdrömt på så länge jag kan minnas. Dagdrömmeri för mig är ett tydligt tecken på att jag håller på att ramla tillbaka. Tillbaka till att jaga lyckan istället för att vara lycklig. Jag gick runt och drömde om lägenhetsinredning, mitt bröllop, barn namn, hurdan bil jag vill ha, etc, etc, etc. Jag var fast i den onda cirkeln. Inte gjorde jag något som jag blev stolt över direkt.

Mina vackra underbara medmänniskor härnere såg att jag var nere, de gick runt och kramade mig hela dagen, och trots att de inte ritkigt förstog vad jag gnällde över så låtsades de som om de förstod. Det var först senare när jag satt och pratade med min nya rumskompis som det ramlade på plats. Hon berättade att hon pratat med sin mamma nyss och hon hade berättat att mammans syster varit i en olycka dagen innan och att hon legat på operationsbordet i 12 timmar, de var inte säkra på hur det skulle gå när hon vaknade om hon vaknade. Det var då allt ramlade på plats och jag blev funtad igen. Va f*n, jag har inget att va lessen över, jag har inget att sakna, ge dig för h*lvete.

Så jag gav mig. Jag skrattade igen, jag tittade på naturen och andades in den tropiska klibbiga luften och jag log. Det är ju varmt och skönt iallafall. Killarna härnere är som galna efter mig. Maten är stark och sockerfri så snart kommer kilorna börja rasa igen. Chefen litar på mig att ta ansvar när hon åker iväg. Jag är på freekin maldiverna, paradiset på jorden. Jag andas lugnet och är lugnet. Jag lyckades att ta mig hit på egen hand och nu har jag varit borta i mer än ett år. Helt makalöst fantastiskt. Jag hittade det här jobbet och klarar av att leva här på egen hand. Mitt liv är sådär makalöst vackert och färgsprakande som jag vill att det ska vara, och det har jag ordnat helt själv. Klart jag är lycklig och stolt så det sprutar om mig.

Så Chantel hade rätt, det kommer en släng av hemsjuka när man precis varit hemma. De andra som låtsades att de förstog visste också.

Datorn tog jag tag i min egen krage och släpade med mig in till Male och till Adam som sedan såg till att hitta var någon kunde fixa den åt mig. Det gjorde jag där i början när jag sattes igång i speed 150. Innan jag hann andas, tänka och dagdrömma. Utan datorn vet jag inte vad jag hade gjort.

Men nu har jag kommit in i daglig rutinen igen. Sova-äta-jobba-äta-jobba-sova-äta-jobba-sova-jobba-sova-jobba.....ungefär...haha. jag är lycklig igen. Det är ett fantastiskt bra liv jag lever härborta. Borta på maldiverna och resten av världen är fantastiskt bra, och även om hemma är bäst så väntar hemma på mig några år till.
Direktlänk, 1 Kommentarer



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KSena

Ja, inte lär vi försvinna inte. ;-) krama om Jag har fullt upp att skaffa mig en bibliotekarie-karriär, vilket fasen inte är lätt, så då har man inte tid att tänka på annat. :-) Du rockar så hårt, tjejen! krama om

2010-10-19 @ 21:33:02
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